The calm after the storm

The cat is now out of the bag. I no longer need to keep mum.  I no longer need to call attorneys and divorce coaches from "burner" numbers.  I no longer need to rush to move chess pieces stealthily into place. I can now be authentic, and authentic is a wonderful and comfortable thing to …

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Picking up the pieces…

Self-doubt (personified, in my most recent post) - about whether or not I should go through with a divorce after all - has been permanently evicted.  I even threw away the proverbial beer cans and wiped off the proverbial coffee table. Nine days ago, the gavel banged so hard on that decision that it cracked …

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I suppose I *could* gaslight myself…

When you're planning to leave a narcissist or otherwise toxic partner, it requires a lot of preparation, which occurs on its own timeline, and cannot be rushed.  And it's actually the smoother times (comparatively speaking) that are the hardest.  When they're not actually being all that abusive.  When they are actually being more helpful and …

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A week in the (healing) life…

Healing is wobbly.  People sometimes envision the healing process as a set of stairs, but they may leave out the fact that sometimes those stairs can be made of crumbly stone, or earth that shifts unexpectedly.  There are random pits of quicksand, too.  Lots to navigate. During the healing process, you level up in a …

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Some codependency and narcissistic relationship recovery tactics…

It's been a fast past week.  Lisa Romano has been in my head.  She totally gets this narcissistic relationship and codependency recovery thing.  She's been there, to hell and back. And you thought you were alone, dear one.  Right?  I know I did. Because it feels so alone, so very alone, and you almost feel …

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Time Capsule: the first month post-narcissism

It's actually been five weeks since the breakup, and a month and a day since I began this blog (already??).  I'd say time flies, but it doesn't always.  Some of the weekend days drag on for much longer than they probably should. While the past is the past and all that, I find it important …

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Another turning point…

This morning, there was another shift from within.  It was almost as if I'm beginning to stand a little beside myself, little by little.  An inch here, and then another.  Sort of a dissociation from the Old Me, in phases. It's not a pathological type of personality dissociation.  It's not a denial of who I've …

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Navigating iffy waters…

"How well do you understand what's happening to you?" That was the genuine, non-condescending, realistic question from my counselor yesterday afternoon that got me thinking. Initially I thought it might be sort of a trick question, with a right answer and a wrong one.  I thought carefully, trying to consider every possible angle, mentally squinting …

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Not my first rodeo…

On Saturday, my world changed.  It was a tiny shift, but an important one.  I'd gotten together with my Amazing Bestie, and we went walking around outside.  This has been an activity that has historically stimulated and brought forward my introspective side.  Random thoughts pop into my head, and random dots connect, aligning seamlessly and …

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Settling vs Self-Confidence

My narcissistic relationships (which is all of my relationships to date) have always involved a lot of Settling.  They may seem perfect (or even maybe not) at first, but it isn't long before red flags start to poke through the surface.  These red flags might be causing all kinds of ruckus deep inside, but that …

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