My Has-Been Life

Certain aspects of my life have a poignant "has-been" feel to them.  I reckon this is common in divorces-in-progress, especially if that limbo state lasts for any significant length of time. This has-been phenomenon casts itself over certain life areas, such as certain people, places, or even routines that are currently active and relevant, painting …

Continue reading My Has-Been Life

I suppose I *could* gaslight myself…

When you're planning to leave a narcissist or otherwise toxic partner, it requires a lot of preparation, which occurs on its own timeline, and cannot be rushed.  And it's actually the smoother times (comparatively speaking) that are the hardest.  When they're not actually being all that abusive.  When they are actually being more helpful and …

Continue reading I suppose I *could* gaslight myself…

A week in the (healing) life…

Healing is wobbly.  People sometimes envision the healing process as a set of stairs, but they may leave out the fact that sometimes those stairs can be made of crumbly stone, or earth that shifts unexpectedly.  There are random pits of quicksand, too.  Lots to navigate. During the healing process, you level up in a …

Continue reading A week in the (healing) life…

Some codependency and narcissistic relationship recovery tactics…

It's been a fast past week.  Lisa Romano has been in my head.  She totally gets this narcissistic relationship and codependency recovery thing.  She's been there, to hell and back. And you thought you were alone, dear one.  Right?  I know I did. Because it feels so alone, so very alone, and you almost feel …

Continue reading Some codependency and narcissistic relationship recovery tactics…

Time Capsule: the first month post-narcissism

It's actually been five weeks since the breakup, and a month and a day since I began this blog (already??).  I'd say time flies, but it doesn't always.  Some of the weekend days drag on for much longer than they probably should. While the past is the past and all that, I find it important …

Continue reading Time Capsule: the first month post-narcissism

Another turning point…

This morning, there was another shift from within.  It was almost as if I'm beginning to stand a little beside myself, little by little.  An inch here, and then another.  Sort of a dissociation from the Old Me, in phases. It's not a pathological type of personality dissociation.  It's not a denial of who I've …

Continue reading Another turning point…

Not my first rodeo…

On Saturday, my world changed.  It was a tiny shift, but an important one.  I'd gotten together with my Amazing Bestie, and we went walking around outside.  This has been an activity that has historically stimulated and brought forward my introspective side.  Random thoughts pop into my head, and random dots connect, aligning seamlessly and …

Continue reading Not my first rodeo…

Settling vs Self-Confidence

My narcissistic relationships (which is all of my relationships to date) have always involved a lot of Settling.  They may seem perfect (or even maybe not) at first, but it isn't long before red flags start to poke through the surface.  These red flags might be causing all kinds of ruckus deep inside, but that …

Continue reading Settling vs Self-Confidence

More red flags – the things you find yourself doing

It may seem monotonous, even overkill, to keep writing about red flags, but I'm feeling the need to do it anyway.  Maybe it's part of my healing process, the stage where you need to reflect, which might appear to some to be code for analyzing, ruminating, justifying...but to me feels more like reminding oneself of …

Continue reading More red flags – the things you find yourself doing